I can't get past the feeling of being so self concious today.
I am feeling like I had a super fun week off, but I am a weird in between time right now, less than 2 weeks till i leave to go back to ohio, it is too far away to pack but too close to not think about. I am thinking about things constantly and it is good in a lot of ways and scary in others. I just want to be back, for a million reasons. It is still going to be sad to leave. I am ready though I feel like i am stuck in a weird place with everyone I know. I feel like i am saying the same things to them every day and driving them nuts and driving me nuts too. I am just so anxious to leave and start figuring stuff out.
I had a great time with Danielle. She gets me in a small way that no one else that I know does and I think that is cool to get to meet people who have those things in common with you.
It is scary to go back to the place where I am from, where people already know me and have opinions about me and also don't know the person who I have become. I don't know if anyone is going to try and understand me as who I am now, I am sure they will. It is just a weird thing to think about. And trust me, I have tons of time to think. About horrible things happening, about super great things happening, about possibility of travel and fun and excitement. Everything I need right now. I am glad I can type this out right now because I really need to think this through in my head.
Don't get me wrong, this is the best plan I have had in awhile, I know it is the right decision, I am reminded of that more and more each day. I am just scared, mostly about silly things like, are people even going to want me around? But that kind of stuff is dumb, of course they will, its my family and my friends. And anyways, I have my business to work on too, and that is all so very exciting.
I am going to be positive about this, it is such a good thing for me. I need to keep telling those little voices in my heart and head to be nice and have confidence in myself. That is hard sometimes.
ahh thanks for letting me rant a little.
Saturday, December 29, 2007
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3 comments:
hey freak, you're not annoying! what's annoying is you thinking you're annoying. so stop doing that. :) i'm getting my phone in a few days (cheaper to get it online) we spent 6 hours in the ER today. call me sunday - we'll be home cleaning all day.
I had a fabulous time!! It was so awesome to talk to someone who gets it too :) If you find yourself with nothing to do tomorrow we'd love to have you again....call in sick!!
If you find yourself with nothing to do tomorrow we'd love to have you again....call in sick!!
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Smarry
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